Out of the Crisis.Org

[Bud]

Men and women are not created equal. Any thermostat on a
wall will prove that. An even more important distinction
between the two genders is their different communication
styles.

Each gender has it's own ways of saying the same thing,
different words to convey the same message. These two
styles arise from differences in our basic natures, the way
we see ourselves in the world. Unfortunately we are not
born with a very sharp ability to interpret the opposite
sex. It is a learned process. In order to understand what
is being said, and to perceive how the other side is
listening to us, we have to 'know the code.'

This really holds true when talking with customers. While
both genders want respect, honest treatment and good deals,
they are looking for different clues and signals to make
sure they are receiving just that.

Deborah Tannen, P.hD, linguist, and Tony Alessandra, active
listening teacher, describe the two communication styles
like this.

The first difference is the way we see ourselves. Men see
themselves in a hierarchal world, and rank everything from
best to worst, last to first, including themselves. Women
do that too, but also see themselves as part of a network
of connections. So male customers visiting your business
for the first time are more likely to be thinking 'Who is
in charge here, and who has authority to make decisions.'
First-time women customers are more likely to be thinking
'Who can help me with my car problem.'

The second difference is our use of conversation. Since men
see themselves in hierarchies, and want to move up in rank,
they use conversations to jostle for power, position or
prestige. Getting the 'best' deal, wether buying or selling
is of utmost importance. Women like that too, but tend to
use conversations to negotiate for support, or to build
connections. This is not so much to compete, but to build
cooperation.

In conversation, listening styles are also different. Men
engage in 'report' talk whereas women engage in 'rapport'
talk. Men listen for facts, women listen for facts and the
speaker's mood. When asked questions, men feel they must
give a report of facts and issues, and preferably to rank
them in order of importance. Women, however, see questions
as invitations to just 'talk,' chances to develop the
relationship.

Look at how that works in personal relationships. Does that
explain why men can become easily irritated by 'so many
questions' to the consternation of the questioning woman?
The woman's invitation to relate is seen by the man as an
interrogation; and he usually rebuffs it.

The third difference is that awful word, feelings. As with
the first two points, it is to be taken generally, to allow
for individual personalities. So, in general, men don't
like to have their feelings identified, and even worse,
talked about. Women, however, welcome it. It is part of
their lives.

For example, a male customer that got lousy treatment or a
bad deal at a previous repair shop is expecting to 'get
over it' himself. He is not expecting you to make him feel
better about the relationship with the other shop that went
bad. A woman, however, who received the similar bad deal or
lousy service is different. She just might be expecting
that soured relationship to be slightly acknowledged,
briefly mentioned in words, or maybe even talked about
openly. For many women that is a reasonable part of having
a business relationship with a repair shop, just one part
of having their car questions answered and getting their
cars fixed.

These examples are given in extremes, just to illustrate
the points. No two people are exactly alike, all
personalities are different. Even so, understanding these
basic differences can help us to interact, talk,
communicate, or, what the heck, to even 'relate' better in
the automotive world.

For further learning on the differences in the ways men and
women communicate, see:

You Just Don't Understand, by Deborah Tannen, P.hD.
Dynamics of Active Listening, by Tony Alessandra (tape
series). Listen Up, by Larry Barker, P.hD and Kittie
Watson, Ph.D.

[Louis Altazan]

Another great post Bud! Someone told me if women clients don't make up about 60% of a shop's total clients, the shop is missing the boat? Often both the husband and wife have jobs and work a lot of hours. Many times in this situation the repair responsibility seems to fall to the wife.

Add to this the number of single, widowed and woman who simply prefer to take care of their own vehicle and the market is huge. Thanks again for a valuable tool.

_________________
Louis Altazan
Owner/Manager AGCO Automotive Corporation
Baton Rouge, LA

[Cecile]

Hi Bud,

My husband has been in the auto repair business for many years, but it's pretty new to me. He is very to the point and most men seem to like that approach. I've only been at is a short while, but many of our lady customers would rather talk with me. We just chat about this and that and we end up with a big job. I love when that happens.